The Cosmic Conscience

Hello Wild Friends, welcome to the the next installement of Wild Voices.

Wild Voices. It’s all about you!

For me, it’s about giving something back, sharing space, community and supporting you by giving a safe space to share your voice. To create a place where you can be yourself without judgemet. This is your space to shine your beautiful inner light.

Today I hand this post over to a practitioner who lives in Canada. You may know her on Instagram under the title of @TheCosmicConscience

In her own words with her own images she shares part of her heritage, her magical life, her aspirations and her ever developing journey with paganism.

Please give a heartfelt welcome to Callee.

Hello everyone!

I just have to start out by saying that I am so happy and really very honoured to be asked by Astara to share a little bit of my world with her readers. Coming into my own “Wild Voice” was very liberating for me on many fronts. I am so happy to be a part of this lovely community! When I was asked to write a little something for Wild Voices, I was too happy to say yes. Then a day later I was hit with…. “wait!” What would anyone want to know about me?” I decided to stick to the things that are most important to me. The things I always love to learn about others. So, what you can expect to read in this post is a bit about how I found Paganism, a bit about my practice, how it came to be and what Paganism has changed for me, my life.  Finally what I hope to impart to others.

Such a massive component of my practice is journaling. I have a moon journal that I write in with every moon ritual I do. I also journal for all my own tarot/oracle readings, on Sabbats and special occasions… you name it, I am journaling.

My Heritage

I suppose I should start with some quick blurb about myself, so you know a little bit about who you are reading about. Online, you can find me under the name “TheCosmicConscience.” Later on in this post I will explain how that name came to be. For now, I will tell you why I use that name and not my own.

Unfortunately like many others, I find myself surrounded by people who do not understand and are not willing to learn what Paganism is or who I am as a Pagan. I would face much ridicule and judgement in my immediate circle if I was as public as I would like to be. Though I have managed to find a few trustworthy friends outside of social media, the bulk of my connection with the Pagan community remains online. Parts of that frustrate me, but hey, faith does not have to be shared or justified to anyone – it’s ok that all this is only for me.

I would like to get more personal with you! What can I tell you?

If you like, you can call me “Cal,” which is a nickname used by my family and friends. I am 31 years-young and I live in Eastern Canada, in the Province of Nova Scotia. I grew up rurally, but I moved to the “big city” of Halifax for university when I was younger. I met the man that would become my husband here in Halifax, we got married and we’re blessed with two beautiful baby boys (currently aged 3 and 10 months). I love being a mother and though I don’t go on about it too much on social media, I do think it’s important for Mama Witches to share how their practices change and adapt to motherhood plus how they share it with their children – as it is quite a life-altering and transformative change!

I grew up with a very big, close-knit family. Not necessarily my own immediate family – with messy previous marriages and step-siblings, etc. – but my cousins were like my siblings and my aunt a second mother. My best childhood memories include my cousins, sunshine, old music blaring by the pool, popsicles, and my uncles and aunts singing late into the night with their guitars. My family is very musical, which I have carried on, and very loud…. which I fear I am also carrying on and passing down to my children (haha). My family is Acadian. My maternal Grandfather and his whole family spoke and sang in French, and so the language and traditions are important to me. The Acadians were the result of the first French settlers in Nova Scotia – they have a long tumultuous history here, it is worth a read if you are interested in history, or if you have Cajun roots! My family is also Scottish. My maternal Grandmother (who I discuss later on) and her whole family were incredibly so, much Celtic lore and traditions have been passed down to me which influence my practice too. Ancestor magick is a huge and important part of my practice, so on my altar you will always see the “Petitpas” and “MacGillivray” families represented and honoured.

Growing up, I always knew I was a little bit different, but couldn’t quite put my finger on how. Ever since I can remember I’ve had this really innate and strong connection to the earth. I can remember feeling most at peace outside and when sneaking out to sit in the woods. I can also remember staring way too long at veins in leaves or moss on rocks and of course, always wanting to “mix potions” by the river. The other connection I have had since before I could recognize or explain it, was to the moon. I believe I owe some of this to my maternal grandmother – I don’t know if she knows what she did. To make a long story short, my maternal grandmother was very sick with cancer during my mother’s pregnancy. I was born in September, and she unfortunately died the following Valentine’s Day. My mother has this core memory of my grandmother holding me when I was an infant. She was coming back from the bathroom and stopped in the hallway to watch her mother interacting with me, taking a mental snapshot for future memories.

My grandmother was holding me under a moon beam coming through the window, rocking me. She explained to me she was sad she wouldn’t be here watching me grow and I would not see her. That I was her “dream baby,” and she had dreamt of me before I was born. (She did dream about my dark hair and blue eyes with both my brown-eyed parents.) She told me that when she was gone, I would dream of her. I most certainly did. When I was a toddler, I would freak out my aunts, uncles and my mother, talking about visits from my grandmother. I would laugh out loud in my sleep and when asked by mother, I would explain that “Nanny took me flying to the moon to see Uncle God.” Sometimes, I saw her when I was awake and would scare my uncles explaining her face, earrings and clothes.

As I got older the dreams stopped, I was sad. My great-grandmother played the role of grandmother for me. We had quite a connection. She always used to tell me how much I looked like my grandmother, laughed like her, smiled like her, sounded like her. My great-grandmother’s health started to fail in her 90’s. I was in grade 9 and my mother didn’t want me seeing her in the hospital, for fear it would be upsetting. She was stuck. Each day the doctors told us she wouldn’t make the night but she did…for over a week. Nobody understood why she was hanging on, my family decided she must have been waiting until her sons arrived from Ontario to say goodbye. However, for the first time in so many years – I had a dream.

In this dream my grandmother communicated to me that her mother would not pass until I brought her to collect her. In some strange way my grandmother was in me and my great-grandmother was waiting for her to come. I didn’t communicate this with anyone because it made me feel crazy. I begged to go to the hospital but my mother said no. So, one day, as soon as my mother left – I got my father to drive me! When I showed up my mother was shocked and said…”Well, you clearly want to be here, so come in.” I walked up to the bedside of my great-grandmother, I took her hand in mine, squeezed it and in that exact moment she took her last breath. Passing peacefully. I was overcome with so many thoughts, questions, feelings but I knew in that moment – something was different. I didn’t know it but I truly believe that my spirit, my whole life, was born Pagan, born connected to the moon but I didn’t know why.

Coming to my Practice

After that experience and of course growing older I asked more analytical questions. The faith I grew up in… wasn’t doing anything for me. I didn’t feel connected, I felt it wrote off other beliefs entirely without giving me a good reason why. I felt it was made by men and not some innate truth, something that had real components perhaps lost in translation. It gave me no answers for life, it didn’t mesh scientifically which was important for me – and most of all, it gave me no comfort, no faith.

I began searching.

I read about so many Religions and Traditions. They were all interesting and beautiful and the knowledge gave me a better ability to respect others. None of them felt right though, none of them awoke within me that intuitive feeling of truth. I had gone to a few esoteric and “witch” shops with my mother growing up, but to me witches were fun magical stories – not truth. I didn’t know what a witch was, I thought Paganism was devil worship – that’s what the horror movies said! I didn’t know there was any type of faith or long-standing traditions buried in all that “hocus pocus.”

Like so many…I stumbled into Paganism through Wicca or beliefs heavily influenced by Wicca. Through books about Wicca, I learned about so many Pagan concepts. I learned about magick and energy.  About altars, rituals, the magick of the moon, of crystals and herbs. I learned so much about everything! It was all so exciting and I felt like I was on the right track. There was only one problem – I’m not Wiccan! Wicca is a beautiful tradition but I didn’t feel connected to a lot of what Wicca prescribed. I didn’t connect to some of the beliefs. Why did I need the God and Goddess represented on specific sides of my altar? Why did I need to honour these specific things when casting a circle? I started to feel disconnected from my own spirit and the world around me once more.

Astrology/Astronomy is very big and important to me. I pay a lot of mind to star chats and zodiacs, and find that they can be great tools of self-discovery. I often help people navigate their star charts.

Then I found a book called “Paganism: an Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions”  by Joyce and River Higginbotham. It inspired me to get to the bottom of my own beliefs. Where I was coming from, where I was hung up…who I truly was. It was the best thing I ever did! I was able to connect to the things I had always been connected to innately. I was able to honour my earliest memories of star gazing, of running away to the forest. I was able to connect all of my beliefs in a way that made me feel so inspired and authentic. Imagine, enabling yourself after so long to be exactly who you are. To finally have beliefs that don’t compete with science, but are part of it! Beliefs that aren’t based on being born flawed, a sinner but being responsible for your own spiritual growth. Being accountable for who you are in this world – how amazing!

Through lots of introspection, education and intuition, I am proud and so comfortable now in saying that I am Pagan. A Pagan that some might refer to as eclectic but my power lies in cosmic and elemental witchcraft. My practice is guided heavily by the lunar cycle and by the zodiac of the moon and seasons. I work with the moon and zodiac to harness my energy, to set intentions, to manifest, to lead the cycle of my life. Of course, I recognize and harness the energy and power of astrological/astronomical events too. Being an Air sign, my practice is steeped in matters of the mind and intuition, such as focused meditations, journaling and divination. My strong suit is tarot and oracle cards. I used to think that being so “cosmic” disconnected me from elemental witchcraft and my love of the earth – big mistake! All my spiritual and scientific knowledge tells me the elements are found in the great cosmos which we are all part of. These are the same elements we find here on earth. They make up the ground we walk on, the water we drink, the food we eat, the weather phenomenon’s we experience. The very cells which make our own physical bodies – we are stardust! So, my practice is connected deeply with every element and the cycle of the seasons which I know as “the Wheel of the Year.” You will see me cleansing with smoke and water, doing burning rituals to release, meditating with flame and grounding with trees. I truly believe the entire universe is interconnected, it flows and communicates. We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us. The cosmos itself and all its contents is a conscious entity we can interact with. Hence my name “the cosmic conscience.”

I truly believe Paganism has saved my life so this section could go on forever. For this reason I am limiting myself to the three most important things Paganism has changed for me.

Paganism taught me how to be present:

When I first started exploring Paganism, it was also in an effort to try to take control of my mental health. I was experiencing so much anxiety and depression. Spellwork, especially candle magick, turned into a method of focused meditation and visualization which helped me so much. Shadow work, self-exploration and spiritual connection…. all enabled me to face parts of myself I couldn’t before. To accept all of myself, something I had never done before. Paganism enabled me to illuminate who I am and what is truly important to me. It enabled me to pause and connect with something so much larger than myself. To stop and take in moments, to value living slower, to see the magick in everything around me. This changed the day-to-day experiences in my life and helped me step into so much of my own power. Take charge and start manifesting the life that truly makes me happy.

Paganism taught me how to live cyclically:

My anxiety often reared its ugly head through perfectionism. I didn’t think I could do anything good enough for myself and no matter what I accomplished…I was never enough. My idea of success through my childhood, through life, through university (really in society in general) was not rooted in my health or happiness. It was about being the best, being better. My idea of life was linear, “you are here and you need to be there.” “You are this and you need to be that.” “When you get to that, you will be better and you will be happy.” I lived in a constant state of burnout, anxiety, pressure, toxicity, comparison and stress. Paganism lifted the veil for me and made me ask an important question: WHAT example could I find in the natural world around me that was linear? Nothing. Everything is a cycle, the moon, the seasons, the life of plants, all cyclic. So WHY should we, as humans in this natural world, be different? This changed how I lived. Resting, slowing down, adjusting an approach – it was no longer a failure. It was just part of my natural rhythm, what my mind and my body needed. Life is not linear, nothing is. As different as life is now, we as humans ARE connected to and part of the natural world and the more we suppress that, the unhappier we are.

Paganism gave me faith in something again:

Paganism has answered so many of my questions, meshed science and spirit. It has given me comfort and faith again which feels right and true. It feels so powerful to have. I truly believe that spirit is part of us and it is just as important to nurture as our physical and mental health.

Finally, I would like to discuss a little bit about what I hope to impart to others. I made my Instagram account to connect with a community of people that I don’t have in life. My beliefs would not be readily accepted or understood by the people that surround me daily. I felt the need to share with other like-minded people, to learn, to discuss. On my account, you will see me sharing my practice – not to teach – but to share and if I help someone discover something about themselves in the process, wonderful.

Tarot/Oracle are my preferred divination method. I do readings for others but I also find it very beneficial, therapeutic and enlightening to perform readings for myself. I share cards on my social media as well, I call them “card pulls for the cosmic coven/collective” where I will pull a card for all who may stumble upon it and need it’s message. 

I do offer diviniation readings when I can which has been a really beautiful and rewarding experience. I also try to show people how their practice can be simple, powerful and attainable in the smallest most mundane acts we carry out day-to-day. Not everything has to be a big fancy ritual! However, my ultimate goal in everything I do, is to help people discover and love their authentic selves, like I did. I would love to inspire others to explore, accept and nurture themselves as they are. To co-create their lives, their dreams with the universe and align with their higher-selves. Inspire people to give themselves permission to live slower, live cyclically, to embrace the shadow as well as the light. I want to remind people their connection to the natural world and all that surrounds us is innate, important. They are never alone, but connected to everything. I want to inspire others to step into their power, to hold space for themselves and other people. No matter what your journey is here on earth, you are important, you are loved and YOU are part of a really powerful thing that is bigger than any of us can begin to understand.

We are floating on a rock, we are the only life we know in this vast cosmos. So many of us…don’t know why we are here, or who we are and are just trying to do our best each and every day. The least I can do (and everyone can do) is be kind to one another and of course, love and honour ourselves.

Some of my favourite author’s from the realms of astrophysics and philosophy touch on the idea of cosmic consciousness and what it could mean for the world if everyone rose to it. How the cosmic perspective on earth would weaken political, racial, cultural, religious barriers. How humans could see themselves as part of / equal to nature…how we should value each other in a way we don’t now.

Thank you for taking the time to read all my thoughts, if you did. I thank Astara so much for giving me the platform to share them!

I will leave you now with a quote from one of my favourite books called “Cosmic Consciousness,” by Richard Maurice Bucke (1901), the inspiration for my name. This quote awoke a lot of truths in me, it was written a very long time ago… but I feel so much of it resonates. It is an excerpt where the author discusses what could happen if all of us become aware of cosmic consciousness (pp.5-6):

“The human soul will be revolutionized. […] It will not be a part of life, belonging to certain hours, times, occasions. It will not be in sacred books nor in the mouths of priests. It will not dwell in churches and meetings and forms and days. Its life will not be in prayers, hymns nor discourses. […] It will have no mission to save men from their sins or to secure them entrance to heaven. It will not teach a future immortality nor future glories, for immortality and all glory will exist in the here and now. The evidence of immortality will live in every heart as sight in every eye. […] Each soul will feel and know itself to be immortal, will feel and know that the entire universe with all its good and with all its beauty is for it…. and belongs to it forever.”

A picture from my mother’s front deck, the morning after a fire ritual I did in honour of Samhain. It really felt like the universe was talking back.

All words and images copyright @TheCosmicConscience 2022