Highly sensitive or empathic?
“Am I too much for the world, or is the world too much for me?”
― Kelli Jae Baeli, Too Much World
Part One
Introduction
This post is the first part in a series of posts where I thought I’d explore what it means to be highly sensitive or empathic. This arises from a shift in focus to begin to explore and understand energy or energies. I’ve touched on this before in posts on IG and a little here regarding quantum physics but it’s something I’d like to explore in more depth. I feel it relates to understanding energy because if we’re highly sensitive or empathic there’s a greater chance we’d find it easier to work with or pick up on energies. Whether they’re subtle or in your face.
If we know everything exists as pure energy, most magical people seek to connect to that energy in whatever form it manifests. Be it the energy of the earth, plants, Spirit, the Cosmos and so on. If a ritual, incantation or spell is performed, it mostly involves energy manipulation in some form. This delves into the Quantum realm, metaphysics, the Divine Matrix and such. The premise here being that pure energy “just is.” It never dies, it just transmutes. I feel this is important from the empathic aspect as persons with these gifts can perhaps tune into energies more readily. Most are healers whether they know it or not and can be drawn to energy healing subjects. Are you aware there are different types of empath? I was not hence below I mention about feeling perhaps borderline empathic. But that will be addressed in the next post in this series. Even so I believe there are traits common to both of these types of persons.
There is so much to this subject which goes beyond just listing out a bunch of traits to tick off to see if you fit. For now lets start with the highly sensitive person. I can only write from my own perspective of recently coming to understand how this applies to myself. So I will relate the aspects of being highly sensitive to my own experiences.
The Highly Sensitive Person.
Before coming to this subject I never considered myself to be an empath. I’ve never given it much thought and for a long time as you folks know I’ve buried a lot of things spiritually until relatively recently. I think sometimes when we bury the gifts we’re given whether out of fear or because they feel like a curse. It can be hard to know how to tap into them when we realise we actually have something many do not possess. It’s hard to know where to start and can feel frustraiting at best.
When it comes to being highly sensitive I definately fall into this category given my ongoing life experiences. I’ve always been labled “too sensitve” and an “over-thinker” as if it’s a failing. Over the years my partner has said I’m highly sensitive. (Just a statement of fact, nothing more.) If I was pushed, I’d say I’m perhaps a borderline empath but I’m not certain.
I can relate to almost all the signs which point to being highly sensitive and have or do experience most of them on a regular basis. I have at times felt like it’s a curse, wondered why I’m not like others who seem able to brush things of easily and always feel like I don’t fit in. At times in my life particularly when younger I’ve felt very alone or wondered why others don’t see things the way I do. Recently though after going on a quest into this subject I can see this is not a curse but a gift. A gift I can utilise on my journey through life for mine and the benefit of others. I struggle at times with it but as the saying “Know thyself” goes. It’s this knowing which aids me in better understanding.
What does it mean to be highly sensitive?
The vast majority of people are not highly sensitive nor are they an empath. They may be sympathetic, something we’re all born with but they’re not the above. There is a difference. Research suggests that highly sensitive people account for about 15 or 20% with those who are empathic being far less at possibly 2-3%. A highly sensitive person differs by having a brain which processes all information very deeply. Everything from emotions, thoughts to sensory input. This makes this person a lot more physically and emotionally sensitive than other people. It’s refered to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), environmental sensitivity and differential susceptibility. These people tend to excel at creativity, empathy, the ability to notice things others do not and to make connections others do not see.
Being sensitive is in part due to genes and how we’re bought up. The differences in the brain mean there tends to be more activity in areas related to empathy, emotion, reading social clues and the part known as “the seat of the conciousness.” High sensitvity means being very alert and tuned in to those around them.
“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
― Anthon St. Maarten
Highly senstive types tend to act differently and want different things out of life like a slower pace of living and the time to enjoy subtle experiences. Something I can atest to. I’ve questioned a lot of things I thought I wanted this year and wondered if they’re the burdens I carried placed there by others or my true desires. I get more enjoyment watching the birds out of the window than forcing myself into a crowded room.
These are some of the characteristics I’ve learnt about myself, they help me understand what it means to be highly sensitive to me:
1. One thing in common with empaths is being able to absorb other peoples emotions. I can walk into a room or place and sense the mood easily. Being aware of sublties this includes facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. Couple this with high levels of empathy which highly sensitives have and it’s easy to pick up others emotions. It can be exhausting and one thing I’ve learned is to question what I’m feeling. Is it my own or something else. Whether highly sensitive or an empath it’s crucial to learn to shield yourself.
2. I cannot watch horror, gory, extremely violent or scary movies. I’ve even walked out of a cinema barely before a films begun because of feeling physically ill at what’s on the screen. I chose a long, long time ago never to watch that stuff because of how it affects me. I find it deeply unsettling.
3. I freak out easily even in non-threatening situations. What I mean by that and it happens a lot, is I startle easily. My partner will walk up behind me and I’ll jump out of my skin. He’s not doing it intentionally but it freaks me out. Clients and others do it too. It’s to do with having a high startle reflex, so no creeping up on me please. Loud bangs and noises can do it too.
4. Thinking deeply about things is the linchpin of being highly sensitive. I reflect a lot on my experiences…everything. It can lead to significant insight but it also leads to negative over thinking. I can play things over and over in my mind and it can take ages to get over things. It causes anxiey and sometimes even feeling physically ill. A positive of this is that thinking deeply brings a rich inner world.
5. Another characteristic is being a seeker. I feel compelled to search for the answers to things, where do I fit in and what am I here to do. An endless quest to learn things, understand and attain knowledge.
6. All through my life I’ve felt misunderstood in every way. I’ve been labeled may things, shy, anxious, over-thinking, perfectionist, too much, too little, not enough. You name it I’ve heard it all. Whilst my over all tendency is to be an introvert, I refuse to attach myself to a label attributed by someone else. I’ve learnt to know myself.
“It seems my heart is made of tissue paper; I wish the world would handle it more delicately.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich
7. Criticism oh criticism. I’ve learnt to accept constructive criticism as beneficial from putting myself through education. I’m always open to it. On the other hand any other form, harsh words or negativity feels like a dagger straight in the heart. As seen above having a sensitive nature leads to over thinking, anxiety and the downward spiral.
8. Beauty in the world is deeply moving. A view which takes your breath away, the sunlight falling on the forest floor, the whisper of the wind as it gently talks to the leaves, a heartfelt smile, a woundrous piece of music. All these things and more can and do have a seriously deep impact. Relatively ordinary things can move me to tears. There are times when I’ve wondered why other people I’ve been with just don’t see or feel those things the way I do.
9. Because of noticing things that others do not being perceptive goes with the territory. Coupled with processing things deeply this means I’ll always give considered, thoughtful, insightful responses. (Hopefully) Compassion and understanding is much needed in the world I feel.
10. I absolutely hate conflict, it’s intensley painful and causes me extreme anxiety. I’ve been through a lot of conflict in life through my upbringing, not of my own doing. Also from being labeled as something I’m not and being misunderstood. It’s traumatising and it makes me retreat inward. At times this makes me conflict-avoidant. Having said that I’m no push over and will fiercely protect and defend myself and others. I’ll stick my neck on the line to stand by those who suffer injustice, wrong doing and what I percieve to be malicious intent. But I’d much prefer a peaceful solution to everything.
“Learning to thrive as a highly sensitive soul presents challenges. If you’re sensitive, you have likely accumulated years of training in trying to overcome the trait because you don’t ‘fit in’ with society. And yet being highly sensitive is a vital part of you. A first step toward thriving as a sensitive soul is to understand and accept your trait. Hear this now: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are just different.”
― HSP life coach Jenna Avery
There are no hard and fast rules to this other than general scientific observations. I am a jumble of paradoxes wrapped up in an enigma. Much like most of us. And while reading through lists may offer insights, truly understanding oneself is much more complex. A life long learning experiment of trial and error. A starting point on the journey to acceptance of self is a great thing.
This post is by no means a complete set of criteria or a measure to gauge yourself by. But by offering a few observations of myself it may help those of you I know more intimately to understand me better. To also understand why some people you come across in life seem different or why you yourself may feel different to those around you. My hope is you realise these gifts may be a rocky road sometimes but are something to celebrate. You are a unique individual even more so for being this way. It’s not a weakness, the world needs more people like you and I.
*2 Comments*
I love this post! Such an interesting topic, o e I have also read much about searching for answers about myself. Im you took such care to explain differences and really get into your own characteristics – I feel like I know you better! Thank you!
Like you, I think I have characteristics that can be shared by both, I feel like if you are an empath you must also be a highly sensitive person – because holy…. You feel so much.
I see a lot of traits of being a highly sensitive person within myself, but unfortunately for me – and I say that not because there is no good in it, but because I’ve struggled a lot – I am 100% an empath. It seems hard to explain, but there have been times in my life where I take on an energy so much, that I cannot do what I logically want to. Most commonly this presents like … someone in my life has done something bad, I logically and rationally know that I am upset with them, that I need to set a boundary, that they are in the wrong and that they really don’t deserve my sympathy for what they have chosen to do…. But if they are in pain, their pain completely overtakes my emotion, my needs, my feelings. I have to battle it constantly and growing up when I didn’t understand it was so painful.
Or another way I experience it for example. I eat meat. I eat meat because living as a vegetarian or vegan for the time that I did … simply did not work for my body and before anyone comes for me, I DID do it right. I replaced what I wasn’t getting from animal products, I took the supplements, I ate healthy. It didn’t work, I won’t get into that. But the amount of panic, pain, fear, that I feel for animals … I live everyday with this internal battle, guilt and anxiety every time I eat meat. Every time I raise the fork to my mouth. Sometimes I have actually become overwhelmed with the feeling of panic when I’m eating this food and one time – I FELT INSANE BY THE WAY – I actually was overcome with this feeling of not being able to stop the death of my child and not being able to find my child, like a panicked animal looking for her young that was taken …. No joke. It was a terrible feeling. I hate it.
in a friend group, people are drawn to me to talk about their problems and that is one thing – but I have had complete and total strangers in moments decide that they trust me enough to breakdown to me completely, to tell me all their problems. Sometimes … this is scary when I’m at a bus stop and midnight by myself and the person choosing to do this with me is someone I’d really rather not speak to or makes me nervous. It is also the reason, that I constantly battle myself to quit trying to fix people. Whether I know them well, or I just met them that night. My spirit and mind and emotions takes them on ….and it pesters me and pesters me almost like I’m fighting an addiction.
I have also had a few experiences in my life where I felt the feelings of a tragedy or event before it happened. One examples that comes to mind. We had some military jets to a flyover of Canada to boost morale during COVID lockdown, and a few other really bad things that happened in that time. I stepped outside with my husband to watch and I was overcome with this anxious feeling, with this really sad feeling and I was angry out of nowhere and I Said why would they do this, why are they honouring this tragedy by doing this fly over… when one of them is going to die too. One of those planes is going down while honouring the dead. Why why why. I can’t place why I was angry … I just was.. like I wanted to get mad because I knew in my gut how sad this would be. Sure enough. The plane crashed out in B.C. and the captain that died was a woman from my city and the motorcade that honoured her return home, drove by my house.
So, I know there are so many good things about being an empath or a highly sensitive person, but like you Astara, I feel I’ve been labeled as anxious, depressed, you name it, my whole life and the real thing I’m fighting …. Is being an empath, always. It’s like it takes so much of my mental and emotional energy all the time and I am constantly trying to stop it or silence it or just ignore it – but it’s so overwhelmingly impossible.!
Hello Callee,
Firstly, thank you for sharing and relating so much of your experiences and abilities. It will help others who also don’t find it easy at times. I’m sorry to read that at times it’s very difficult but know that I do understand. When I say I understand it’s not a flippant comment as most would say I really mean I understand and here’s why. Given what I’ve related about myself in the post I can actually pick up on and feel the emotion in the words you write. Actually feel it not just read it without having an emotional connection or response as a lot might. It’s actually hard for me to put into words. Like I wrote in the post, words to me wield great power, whether it’s written or verbal I can sense the emotion behind them what the intent was when whoever used them. They can be daggers, uplifting, sorrowful and so on. I can actually feel them. This is one of the reasons I said about being a borderline empath but I’ll come back to this in a minute.
Secondly, you are as you say 100% an empath. Given I’ve found there are at least nine different types of empath, from what you write you most definately seem to have the three attributes known as physical, emotional and possibly intuitive empath all rolled into one. I’m not sure about the others and I have other questions to ask you which would be better privately if you wish talk more.
Coming back to what I mention about being borderline, I say this for the reasons I gave you about feeling the emotion or intent behind the words. I think this comes down to picking up on the transference of energy. (hence why it relates to energies) This comes under being an intuitive empath and possibly emotional although I’ve never felt anything to the extreme of what you do. Whether that’s because of suppression or not…I don’t know. I’m also a good listener and have been told so numerous times and have been told all sorts by strangers over the years. I also get told the phrase “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” Definately a sign if you get told that. It’s one of the main things I use in my job, it makes people feel comfortable to tell you all sorts of things. People will do this because you will have a calm nature that makes them feel comfortable and that’s such a wonderful gift to give to others in a world where the vast majority feel unseen and invalidated. You give them that peace and freedom, the trick is in learning not to take on what they’re feeling or telling you. This is most definately an empathic trait. I know it’s hard for you, but know this. You’re not alone with the gifts you have and I genuinly mean it when I say I’m here for you if needed. It is possible to co-exist with the abilities you have and the first step is not to fight it. Acceptance is half the struggle diminished. With acceptance it’s then possible to learn and work with those unique skills for your wellbeing and possibly others. You have my love and support.