“Time is an illusion”

Albert Einstein

Good afternoon wild friends!

Welcome to the first bibliomancy post for “A Sylvan Witch.”

My meltdown this morning over issues with this website was complete. I admit it was mostly my own doing. You press something and even though you change the settings back it doesn’t alter. Then ensues a whole load of head scratching and time wasted trying to figure out what the heck is wrong. All the while getting more and more annoyed and frustraited with a string of expletives issued forth. Subsequently finding what you originally did was what needed changing back all along. You’re left thinking I flamin did that.

Which brings me neatly onto the word “timing.” Is there ever a good time for anything? I think not.

Just lately the timing for everything seems completely off. I don’t know why that is. My time is either eaten by stuff like the above or doing things which don’t seem to make a difference to anyone or anything. But most importantly don’t seem to make a difference to me. Where I’m at, where I want to go or what I want to be doing. I feel completely peed off with everything and it only takes the slightest thing for me to feel hacked off and overwhelmed.

Why is that?

I normally just roll along with things. But I can’t seem to shake this mood just lately. It’s descended like a heavy blanket. Draped over my head and body which I struggle to breath through. It’s there when I wake, assuming I sleep and it’s there when I go to bed. It’s not that I feel depressed. I know the difference, I’ve been there. I just feel annoyed with everything and my situation.

“All great achievements require time.”

Maya Angelou

I’m annoyed that I live in a country with a government that is intent on destroying it’s entire fabric and society.

I’m annoyed that there are those who don’t see this and continue to vote for this government for their own self interests and gain.

I’m annoyed that goverments around the world are going backwards and instilling draconian laws which curb the freedom of choice and the rights of the individual.

I’m annoyed at the injustices in the world, that other human beings are still persecuted for the colour of their skin, their differences, their beliefs, who they are, whatever that may be.

I’m annoyed that the planet on which we live is abused and even when the evidence is right in front of our eyes. Not a damn thing is done to even attempt to do something positive. No, our rivers are being polluted, our seas are becoming barren, the land is becoming infertile and our climate is up the swaney. Big talk issues forth at some conference somewhere and that’s about it. What about ACTION.

Then there’s the small stuff. My time spent doing things which is always cocked up by something. The constant cycle, eat, sleep repeat, with no thanks. Life feels like a constant uphill battle at the moment. It’s like clinging to the wall of a rock face, dragging yourself to the top.

Will we ever reach the top? Is there even a top? Is this as good as it gets?

And…most of all I feel powerless to do or change anything.

This year so far has been a tough one, I really want to feel like I’m achieving something, doing something, making a difference to something. To someone. Instead of one problem after another after another.

So no, I don’t believe there is a right time for anything. I think sometimes we start and just have to keep pushing. And we have to do this in the hope that eventually what we’re doing will make a difference somewhere. Perfect timing doesn’t exist. Life is messy. Things get in the way. With the best will in the world the planets could all align but you might be in a complete meltdown and miss it.

I don’t know what the answers are to changing how I’m feeling. Persistence. It’s said if things aren’t fun anymore, it’s time to stop doing them. But you can’t just abstain from your entire life. All I know is I have to keep pushing. Keep searching for the solutions, the answers, little by little. With time I hope they will come.