Spring moves forward, very soon the Summer Quarter and Beltane will be knocking on our door. Our small corner here in the vale becomes greener evey day. The trees are in leaf burst and lots of other plants are already quite well advanced. In the woods it’s a slightly different story.

For this post I want to share with you some of the ideas and plans we have for the garden. At the risk of sounding like a broken record. I’ve kept mentioning in previous ramblings how my views, outlook and ways of being and doing have changed over the last few years. As a result this turns everything I thought I knew of myself on it’s head. I question my motives for doing or being involved in existing things. Of whether what I thought I wanted to do was my own decision or a measure of my self worth in the eyes of others. If any of these things are true to the path I now find myself traveling down. Thus I’ve ended some things and started others, like this blog.

We’ve entered our fourteenth year of living here. When we first moved here there wasn’t what might be called a “garden” at all. You could barely get down the drive and the house had a lot of issues. There still are a lot of issues. It’s not hard to see why given the people who own it barely ever come here, even now. Only to work the farm.

The pictures below give you some idea of how the garden was in the autumn of 2009 when we looked at it prior to renting. Click to open up.

The Past

We moved here because of this outside space. To find peace and not to feel like we were constantly under seige like where we were living. We knew what a massive undertaking it would be to improve this place. Not only outside but the entire house needed work, decorating, floors sanding and the living space making rodent proof and improving. (There’s still rodent issues on occasion and they still get in the roof.) There weren’t even any batons at the windows to hang curtains or blinds. I had also started university at that time to study the garden design degree and we still had our business to run.

The outdoor space has always been more important than the actual house. Although, having said that we do have limits. In light of this we still put up with a lot of problems that never seem to get addressed. Which I don’t want to dwell on as this is about the outdoor space.

Gradually over a period of years this was cleared of things self sown, the copious quanties of house bricks and stones, assorted crap, a falling down dog kennel plus two ponds filled in. We filled the ponds in as they were just a stagnant, mosquito breeding mess. An area to grow vegetables and fruits was built on the west side of what we call the orchard space.

The pictures below show the space being cleared and opened up to more light. I’m always amazed when I look back at how much bigger the trees we decided to keep now are. They give us so much, particularly in summer. It’s also good to look back and remind ourselves how far we’ve come. Sometimes it can feel like nothing has been achieved. Click to open.

Yet for all this work, over a number of years times our vegetable area has fallen into disrepair. The garden has become wild and woolly and our enthusiasm has dwindled. Don’t get me wrong wild and woolly is great but there are a number of reasons for the decline. Partly to do with previous responsibilites and time issues plus living here has become more of a strain, perhaps for me more so. I sometimes feel like I can’t or don’t want to be outside. It used to be very peaceful here but the noise has increased ten fold. In the winter in particular it can be constant from dawn to dusk and as daylight hours lengthen so does it. To go with the noise is the smell of diesel fumes. This isn’t because of farm work either which is intermittent. We knew that would be happening when we moved here. The traffic on what was a quiet lane has also increased immensely. There are other issues like things which go on beyond our boundaries but I don’t really want to mention them here. Because of all these things being outside does not feel comfortable and at times can feel like living in a goldfish bowl.

The Present

This isn’t about focusing on those negative aspects even though at times it’s incredibly difficult not to. Particularly if my energy levels are low. This is about “starting where you are” and taking things forward with what you have. There are things about being here which are beyond our control, so we have to try and focus on those things which are. This also comes back to what I mentioned above about how as individuals we change over time. The outdoor space we have was one of the most important issues for us when we moved here and we need to claw that back along with our right to be outside. To be able to enjoy it and not be anxious of being in our own garden. It’s about caring, nurturing the enviroment and holistically creating an enviroment in line with our views and beliefs of the world around us. It also goes beyond creating something for it’s own sake, although that’s a good enough reason in itself.

One of the ideas I’ve had for the longest time even before moving here. Is the creation of an outdoor space where others can come and to sell plants of those species which are in the garden. I suppose how you would visit an open garden in the UK. My thoughts have moved beyond this though to creating something like a healing garden or a sacred space. Arguably all gardens are healing and sacred without any level of interference from us. But it’s also about utilising those design skills I aquired to build something for ourselves…myself. We spend so much time in others gardens and a lot of the time the attitudes of people can be extremely challenging. We simply feel we need to create a space on our own terms where we’re solely in control. None of us truly own a garden or a piece of land, we’re simply a custodian of it. By being its protector we can give something back. With the hope it will grow, flourish and help us physically, mentally and emotionally. Things are subtly shifting, the focus of work is morphing into something else.

To start is this back space, pictured above. Firstly we need to repair the fence which is falling over and propped up and make our space private. I don’t want to see what goes on beyond the back fence, plus remember I said about the goldfish bowl. The feeling of being watched, whether or not that’s the reality. The first image at the begining of this post shows how we are achieving this. We’re putting new posts in to support the fence as the others having rotted. For privacy and to support climbing plants to create a green wall, we’re constructing our own trellis. All these things we have constructed in other people’s gardens. The trellis will be what is called hit and miss. It’ll have two layers in a contemporary linear feel which will allow the plants to grow through. Once this is complete we are then considering constructing an outdoor room. Again out of trellis to grow plants up which will create an enclosed secluded feel where we can put our outdoor fire bowl. This will be great for us and that idea of people coming here. An enclosed area for whatever transpires. Then we can clothe our space with shrubs, trees and perennials. making it a haven for the birds and wildlife that call this place home which we treasure so much.

The video below takes you through the beginnings of our new endeavour. Preparing posts to repair the fence, clearing ground, a view of the space and the things that dwell within it.

It is best listened to through headphones or similar to gain the full effect of the music in conjunction with the film.

OF NOTE: You can now also leave a comment on the video as well as the post. You can click the comment icon on the video progress bar.

The Future

I have no idea how this is going to pan out. It’s fraught with issues some being restrictions and some very practical ones. It’s quite easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking things aren’t possible and not begining those things which sit in my heart. I’ve done that a lot. When I think of all the hurdles a lot of these ideas present it feels like an exercise in futility. But when this happens and imposter syndrome kicks in those four words always crop up and roll round my head.

Start where you are

This is how I started the blog and have done many things of late. By being aware of the bigger picture and what may present an obstacle but focused on the smaller steps. Slowly but surely things evolved. I have to focus on the hope that this will be no different. Letting go of expectations and starting with that single step forward to something else. Wherever that may lead. I’ve been guilty in the past of thinking I can’t do something until I have x, y, z. Remembering those words help to move forwards.

This new beginning is all tied up to a bigger picture. The idea of people coming here is to offer something. Some with spiritual, healing threads. I don’t know what that is yet. In fact I don’t know lots of things at this point and that’s okay. You could argue if Spirit is calling us to some higher purpose then it will be revealed in time. This begining of putting things into place still revolves around plants, the outdoors and nature but something for others to. Perhaps teaching? I don’t know. But it’s more than working for those who just want to pave the world with concrete and don’t care about our wild world. I cannot do that anymore.

The transitions I’ve experienced in life have always been messy, complicated and life changing. I feel as if this life-phase transition is part of a bigger picture that began back in 2020. The seeds of which were probably sown unbeknownst to me prior to then. However confusing and frustraiting these changes are in the end they’re a chance to grow. To blossom forward and embrace the fullest of potential.

I hope you’ll join us on this new journey. It’s my intention to document our progress and I’ll be giving it, it’s own page on the menu bar. It’ll be titled “Garden Odyssey.” I’ll also explain about constructing, growing, planting and putting the space together.

If you have any questions about the design of this space as we go along feel free to ask.

I leave you with a wonderful poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox. I feel it can be applied to any transition in life. I love it as it talks of feelings and how we change and view things but also how it can be a metaphor for our relationships with everything. How she uses the natural world in that metaphor.

Change
Changed? Yes I will confess it--I have changed.
I do not love you in the old fond way.
I am your friend still--time has not estranged
One kindly feeling of that vanished day

But the bright glamour which made life a dream,
The rapture of that time, its sweet content,
Like visions of a sleeper's brain they seem--
And yet I cannot tell you how they went.

Why do you gaze with such accusing eyes
Upon me, dear? Is it so very strange
That hearts, like all things underneath God's skies,
Should sometimes feel the influence of change?

The birds, the flowers, the foliage of the trees,
The stars which seem so fixed, and so sublime,
Vast continents, and the eternal seas,--
All these do change, with ever-changing time.

The face our mirror shows us year on year
Is not the same; our dearest aim, or need,
Our lightest thought, or feeling, hope, or fear,--
All, all the law of alternation heed.

How can we ask the human heart to stay,
Content with fancies of Youth's earliest hours?
The year outgrows the violets of May,
Although, maybe, there are no fairer flowers.

And life may hold no sweeter love than this,
Which lies so cold, so voiceless, and so dumb.
And will I miss it, dear? Why yes, we miss
The violets always--till the roses come! 

Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1883